If you’re not interested in my deep psychological problems (don’t worry, I’m not psychotic or anything… yet), read no further. Otherwise, be prepared to enter the chaos of my psyche.
It was a dream or perhaps, more accurately, a nightmare. But it wasn’t your typical “Agh, there are monsters everywhere and they’re trying to kill me!” or “Oh my God, I’m falling out of the sky and I’m going to die!” variety of nightmare. Let me attempt to explain.
Around 11:30 pm last night, I went to bed, even though I wasn’t tired, because I have a class at 7:55 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I knew that I needed to go to bed if I was going to have any chance of being awake in the morning. About 10 minutes after I settle into bed, I have an intense vision. It’s of my life, and it’s all written down in front of me. But not on paper or in a journal; it’s an online forum (how appropriate). From what I remember, it resembled the Gamespy Forums, if that helps give you a clearer picture of what I’m imagining. However, every thread (that’s the term for a topic in a forum, in case you’re not familiar with forums) is expanded simultaneously (impossible in the Gamespy Forums), and I can see all the posts. What alarms me is, posts are being added faster than I can keep up with them, and I’m overwhelmed by all the information. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do; my head is spinning; I know this can’t be happening; what’s going on? I feel a couple of stabbing pains in the lower right side of my body.
Then, I wake up. At this point, it’s nearly midnight. I examine the area where I felt the pain, and I see nothing out of the ordinary. Crap, it’s happening again, I think to myself.
Now for some background information: When I was in elementary school, my older brother had his appendix removed because he had appendicitis. As it turned out years later, the cause was his Celiac Disease (basically means he can't eat any wheat products), which I don’t have (the whole family was tested shortly after this discovery). However, ever since his appendicitis, I’ve harbored an irrational fear that, one day, I’ll get it too, so I’m very sensitive when it comes to feelings in my abdominal area for that reason. As recently as a period of time last school year, I experienced almost daily but dull abdominal pain, and I expected the worst. If I recall correctly, I went so far as to get a blood test for appendicitis at one point. Fortunately, nothing was wrong, and the pain eventually went away (I don’t even remember exactly when that was).
So, of course, my first thought after waking up last night was, Crap, it’s happening again. I know that it’s probably nothing (I confirm my guess by sitting up and moving around a little, making sure everything’s ok), so I try going back to sleep, but every attempt ends with me waking up shortly after settling down, either because I see the vision again or because I’m self-conscious of that phantom feeling and unable to get comfortable or because I feel feverish from the anxiety I’m experiencing. In retrospect, my reaction seems exceptionally silly, but at the time, it took all my concentration just to remain calm and not get frustrated by my inability to sleep.
Between 12:30 and 1 am, I give into my insomnia. I can hear music from my roommate’s room, and people going in and out of the bathroom; I guess everyone’s working on something. Since I’m up anyway, I decide to be productive and turn on my computer. I check my e-mail and browse my normal assortment of websites, wasting time until I’m ready to go to sleep. Sometime after 1 am, I’m sufficiently tired and go back to bed. Finally, I sleep.
The next thing I remember, I’m awake, and it’s 8 am. In recent years (or maybe just this past year, many of my memories run together in my mind), when I’ve slept, it’s either been without dreams or without remembering them upon waking, so my sleep from 1 until 8 am this morning is more like my normal sleep pattern. There is a problem though (and anyone who noticed what I wrote near the top of this post already knows what I’m about to write): class has already started! If my alarm buzzed, I must have turned it off and gone back to sleep without giving it a second thought; I can’t remember doing that. Oh well, I don’t like my 7:55 am class anyway, and it’s run almost entirely with PowerPoint, so I can look up the slides later. I do my normal morning routine, not feeling the least bit groggy (thanks to the unplanned extra sleep) or any sign of what I felt last night (except for a lingering sensation where the pain was, although not as intense; it’s still with me now).
So why am I bothering you guys with this? For starters, last night spooked me so much that I feel compelled to blog about it. Also, I hope it will show any of you who think that your lives are messed up that you’re not alone. From what I’ve observed and experienced, every “normal” person has or does something that makes him/her a little crazy. In other words, I believe it’s healthy to be somewhat irrational; it helps us cope with the stress and zaniness of our world. Finally, in case this was a one-time incident (God, I hope so), I wanted to record it for posterity. Maybe the dream and my reaction to it will give a few of you a chuckle. To be honest, I’m not very worried about it anymore, but I do wonder about what caused it (I have my theories, which I may share later), and I am curious to see what will happen tonight. If it’s anything interesting, I’ll let you guys know.
Until next time, pleasant dreams.
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