Upon Awakening

Ok, time to close that chapter (and all these terribly cliché metaphors). I just came back from walking and talking with Rachel, and she doesn’t envision us getting back together anytime soon. Apparently, she was uncomfortable with the relationship from the beginning, especially because of how quickly it happened (for which I apologized), but decided to give it a chance. On Saturday, she finally told me about her reservations, and that’s when it ended. She said she hadn’t wanted to hurt my feelings, explaining why she didn’t say something at the start, and reassured me that I’m a “nice guy”. Around this point in the conversation, we walked in silence for a bit before spending the rest of the walk back to her dorm talking as friends do, signaling the final transition to “just friends”.

Admittedly, it could have ended a lot worse, and I’m grateful that Rachel gave me a chance to achieve some semblance of closure. While I still don’t fully understand why it didn’t work out, I think it’s accurate to attribute its failure mostly to a combination of Rachel’s own insecurities, which she even pointed out during our talk tonight, and my over-eagerness. I hope that she eventually comes to see the great person that I see when I look at her, and I’m willing to help her with that, even if we’re only friends.

What now? Well, to put it mildly, I’m not eager to get back into the “game” right away; failing to maintain a relationship for more than 3 days (and that’s only if you count either Wednesday or Saturday as one of those days) will tend to do that to a person. Plus, Rachel was my sole interest at Lehigh as of this semester, so I don’t really have any other options at the moment. I guess it’s back to the celibate lifestyle for me. Whoopee!

On a much more positive note, I was elected the Gaming Club President for next year. The outcome wasn’t a surprise, but the fact that only 2 people voted against me was! Now, I have to make sure that I don’t screw it up. And I’m unsure about how effective my administration will be; there’s a lot of new blood in the officer positions now. The best policy seems to be, hope for the best but expect the worst. And so I shall.