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Jay's Kinda Weekly Rant:
It just had to happen now, didn't it? It started on Tuesday during my Calc exam (very confident about it, at least a B, done with Calc, hooray!) when I noticed I was coughing fairly frequently, but I figured that was just because I had to walk a decent distance in the cold to get to the Calc exam. That night, I started burning up and could barely sleep because of how hot I felt. Next morning, in addition to my other symptoms, I had a raw throat. Yep, I'm sick.
Apparently, I'm not the only one. From my observations, practically half of the campus is ill with something. According to my English teacher when I talked to him during my grading session (I got a B+ in the course, he admitted that he hadn't given out an A yet, so I can live with that), people commonly get ill towards the end of the fall semester. Great. I've been mostly just sticking to liquids because solids are still irritating to my throat, but I've been eating cereal every now and then. The most annoying thing about being sick at college, besides the fact that I got sick in the middle of exams (fortunately, only one more exam and it's on Monday), is that I can't turn to any of the foods I normally eat when I'm sick. Soup isn't available anywhere near my dorm, Jello is out of the question, and oatmeal is unattainable as well. Fortunately, there is a convenience store attached to our dining hall right across the street from my dorm, so I can get drinks like apple juice, milk, and soda when I want, which is somewhat comforting. As of today, my fever is gone, but I still have a sore throat and a nasty cough with flem and crap(though, if I remember the medical advice my mom gave me, a cough like that means your body is fighting back and cleaning out the sickness, I hope). Hopefully, I'll feel better by this weekend so I can gear up for my last exam, but my comp. sci. exam is open book anyway, so I'm not very worried.
The bright side of all of this is that I'm done with exams on Monday, and I leave for home on Wednesday. A few days after I get home, I'll be flying down to warm, sunny Florida to spend Christmas with my relatives as my family almost always does. But for those of you who want to see me during break... *waits for response but hears nothing*... I guess you're just shy, so I'll tell you anyway. I'm not spending all of break (since it is a one month break) in Florida, so I'm sure I'll be able to see people sometime after the holidays are over, assuming that you guys won't be spending your whole break out of town. I look forward to those days. Since I probably won't see any of you when I first get back, have a great Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/New Year's/break.
Jay's Kinda Weekly Rant:
Ok, time for a change of pace. I took a break because of Thanksgiving, and I had a great time back home, though it was much too short. I think it has done me a world of good because I'm feeling much better about life in general.
Right now, in particular, I'm in quite the good mood. Why? Take a look at this: http://www.gamespyarcade.com/wizards/action/events/halo/halo_20031218.html. Look under the "Event Matches/Winners" section. Recognize a screen name on there? It should be "JediK809" (the last time I checked, it was "jedis" for some reason, hopefully I can fix that, heh). I won the first round in a Halo PC tournament I participated in, meaning I'm going on to the final round on December 18th. As you can see on the page, if I end up within the top 9, I'll get a prize.
How this came about is an amusing story. Basically, I saw this opportunity and jumped at it, figuring that I had never been in a tournament before, I had the free time, and this sounded like fun. Well, I arrive at my server at the appointed time and find... only one other person there for a 16 person game. Well, the moderator ([MON]Cyphergod, cool guy), the other guy (if I remember correctly, his screenname was AMNinja, or something like that, very nice guy as well), and myself waited around for maybe half-an-hour, and no one else arrived. Finally, the moderator made a decision: Ninja and I would be dueling each other. I was stunned; we had joked about it but not expected it to actually happen. Well, needless to say, we had at it and, after a hard fought and thrilling battle, I emerged victorious in a 10 kills to 1 victory at the 10 minute time limit. After it was over, both of us were unsure about what the results meant. Was the fight just for fun or for real? Surely, a 1 v 1 battle couldn't have just determined who would go to the finals. Surprise: it did!
Thus, I am now in the finals for the Gamespy Halo Tournament. I'm thrilled, and hope to do well in the finals, not for the prizes so much as just to keep from embarrassing myself in front of a bunch of good players. I'm not even going to plan on getting a prize; I just want to be in the finals, be challenged to my limits, and to have a good time. Winning something would just be the icing on the cake, as the expression goes.
Until then, there are finals to prepare for, papers to write, all kinds of things to keep my mind off of the tournament. Oh, and Christmas break of course. Leaving the 16th for home, and then leaving for Florida a few days after that (not the 18th, to the best of my knowledge. If I'm mistaken, that would be a MAJOR bummer). Plus, there's snow in the forecast for tonight/tomorrow, and I love snow, so I'm just having a jolly good time at Lehigh for once. Let's hope it will continue into next semester. All of my college buddies, if you have finals, good luck! High school buddies, good luck on midterms! Others... just keep in touch! :-)
Jay's Kinda Weekly Rant:
I must say, I'm very disappointed in you people. Many of you are visiting my profile, but I'm hearing nary a peep from you guys. I was hoping that a profile would get you guys talking to me, either just to say hi or to discuss something in my rant with me. If need be, I'll message every last one of you. I'll do it too; don't make me! However, as I said in the last rant, I'll be coming home Tuesday night and leaving Sunday evening, so hopefully I'll see many of you in that time.
As my introduction may have hinted, I'm quite lonely. I mentioned this fact briefly in my first rant, but I think I'll feel better if I elaborate (this journal is for my benefit, not for your enjoyment, so deal with it! heh). This is probably going to be the most open I've ever been about my emotions, but I feel it is necessary for progress in my own emotional growth. Get ready to see a different side of me that many of you haven't seen before.
While I'm wanting for friendship, I also desire love. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but there it is. A few of you knew this and some of you may have suspected, but I've never come right out and said it. And, for the record, no, I'm not high/drunk. lol Now, why have I chosen to make this desire public? Frankly, bottling it up inside of me has been consuming me, causing me to do things I quickly regretted later. Oftentimes, love (or rather, my lack of it) is all I think about, distracting me from the rest of life. Expressing this sentiment of mine is an attempt on my part to free myself from love's ever-tightening grip on my life. I've come to realize that part of why I play computer games so much is in an effort to get my mind off of this enormous hole in my heart (yes, it's cliché, but I believe it's appropriate here).
Now that you are aware of this secret of mine, what should you do about it? Absolutely nothing. As I said, I'm saying all of this only for my own well-being (I'm selfish, aren't I?); I don't expect any of you to do anything for me. It is painful for me, but I'm trying to struggle through my feelings on my own, figuring out the best course of action to take on them. Realistically, I don't expect this problem of mine will be resolved anytime soon; emotionally, my heart is crying out for an end to my pain. However, I try to stay strong, resist the many temptations that come out from this desire, and try not to give in to the easy routes of meaningless flings or plunging into oblivion (not necessarily suicide, though I'll admit that, during the lowest times, that thought has crossed my mind once or twice). As I said, I don't see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" yet, but that does not mean I do not have hope.
Jay's Kinda Weekly Rant (laaaate):
I really wanted to do a rant sooner, but the work has been piling down on me recently. Even as I speak, I'm working on a massive amount of computer science homework, which I'm taking a break from. No harm in that, right? :-P
I'm glad to see some guestbook signage. In response to the lady who inquired as to when I'd be home for Thanksgiving (thanks Kristin ;-) ), I will be flying home the evening of November 25th.
Anyway, at the moment, I'm feeling a bit better, probably thanks to the techno I'm listening to (can't stay sad when I'm listening to techno, heh). Massive drinking, like that which occurs at college, still bothers me, but I've recently become more accepting of it, realizing that some people have to learn the hard way, and I'm sure they'll still end up being productive members of society in good time. As long as they don't overdo it and get themselves hurt or end up hurting others, I can live with it.
So, what to talk about instead? hmmm, how about sports? Personally, I dislike professional sports with a passion. I don't mind playing certain sports, but I think spectator sports are ridiculous. They're a bunch of highly skilled athletes who get paid outrageous amounts for what they do. Ideally, I think sports should not involve money at all. If people play, it should simply be to have some fun and to get some exercise; that's it. I'll admit that I enjoy watching sports from time to time; I go to games with my family when they take me. However, I don't have a team in any sport that I particularly like. If I want a team to win, it's normally only because they represent my home state or my birth state. Still, I couldn't care less if my state's team goes to the playoffs or not; to me, it's just a game. Thus, the reason I enjoy watching sports is because of the game itself, the strategy that drives it, just as the reason I enjoy chess is because of the strategic nature of it. However, the reality is that our society is OBSESSED with watching sports and for all the wrong reasons. We yell and scream for "our team" to win; we bet large amounts of money on "our team"; we pay exorbitant fees to sit in huge stadiums and watch "our team". Because of how much people love to suck it up, because of how passionate our society is regarding sports, because of how much of an emotional frenzy people work themselves up to when watching sports, professional sports are a HUGE industry, thanks to the basic principle of supply and demand. The main problem with this is that there is an enormous monetary gap in equity between intellectual pursuits and the sports industry (this really applies for all entertainment, not just sports, but I find movies, video games, etc. to be much more beneficial for reasons I can't elaborate on now, running out of space lol). Thus, the emphasis in our society, even in our educational institutions, is shifted much more highly towards athletics than other occupations because people want to get rich as quickly as possible, and sports hold that dream, the American Dream, for many. While professional sports may make people incredibly wealthy, it is still a rare few who make it to that level, but people still gravitate towards it, nonetheless. Basically, I see professional sports as one of the grossest representations of the problems with our society. I'm sure you've all heard this before, but I feel it deserves emphasis: a professional athlete can makes tens of millions of dollars while the head of the nation makes the relatively paltry sum of $400,000. I don't expect this discrepancy to go away any time soon, but something is wrong with a nation when Dennis Rodman (does he still play?) earns more than the freakin’ president.
-To be continued… if I feel like it :-P
Jay's Kinda Weekly Rant:
Hey guys. I've decided to make this profile useful by making it an outlet for what's been on my mind recently. Right now, I'm a little bit depressed. I don't like this school (Lehigh) very much (academically, it's fine; socially, it has some problems) and, above all else, I'm lonely. I mean, I have plenty of friends at home, but I don't have someone here who truly understands me and who I can confide in. I've found a few signs of intelligent life here, but, to be quite blunt, most of the people here couldn't care less about expanding their minds or making a difference in the world. Most people are too busy going to parties to get plastered to retain anything they're learning here. Yes, it's important to have entertainment in one's life, (those of you reading this know how much I play computer games ) but does entertainment have to take the form of drinking? People tell me they like drinking because it allows to be goofy and uninhibited and be their "true selves." Shouldn't you already be your true self without alcohol? Maybe if these people weren't so concerned with appearances in their everyday lives, they wouldn't have to drink to act like themselves. When I feel like it, I can be plenty silly without alcohol in my system (though it might not seem that way to my hallmates here, the people in the Gaming Club or my friends back home can vouch for this hehe). Most college students (or at least the freshman class) have their priorities all mixed up, and it's so frustrating for me to have to sit and watch them waste their precious years here at college, the years that will define what we do with the rest of our lives. So here are my suggestions for alternatives to drinking: Read something, write something, listen to someone, talk to someone, play a game, watch a movie, listen to music; just put down the bottle for one second, find something else you like doing, and make sure to take a look at the world around you while you're at it. This rant could quickly turn into a lecture, so I'm going to end it here for now. I'm sure this will still be on my mind next week, so I'll probably continue this then. Keep in touch, everybody, and, for those of you who do drink, at least think about what I've said. We don't have to agree, but we all should be willing to listen.
